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Never Mind The Potatoes, Jocky Ruined My Suntan! | article by |  |
So you wait all summer for a bit of good flying weather- You wait, and wait... ... and wait. Our collective existence becomes a sad one. We wait for the flying club rags; Skywings, and anything else that eases our boredom. Something to take our focus from the lounge window through which we watch clouds scudding by above sheets of unwelcoming sleet. Waiting... Today you're lucky and things change. Just at your moment of deepest despair the postie delivers an unexpected envelope. It's got a Keswick postmark and an unfamiliar rag inside. Who are Escape? You have a quick scan of this new attention focusing object and ponder, "Hmmm, What's this? Something new and challenging. I do rather fancy a flying holiday." Now, my partner likes flying, but I had to give her a good listening to after mentioning holiday arrangements. She wanted to laze on the beach, and not have a busy alpine flying holiday. I cottoned on to the word beach... ... "What d'ya think of the beach on the S.I.V. video?" ... Pause... I suppose I could have phrased the question a bit less bluntly. The effect was slightly more dramatic than I had intended. Light fuse and stand back...
Feeling in need of a tactical retreat, I uttered the cowardly words, "I'll come back later when you've calmed down a bit!" I actually went and repacked my reserve in anticipation. Unfortunately for me Joanne saw straight through the B.S. about sunbathing and drinking cocktails in the Buzz Bar. Phrases containing, "S.I.V.", "dangerous", and "mad instructor" interspersed with "*&#@" became abundant. Jo doesn't normally swear, well not that well! Thing is, Jo came round quite quickly 'cause she really did like the look of the beach and, even though we could ill afford the holiday, my credit card took a real beating that day. And lo, it came to be that a motley crew of 9 met in the "Dutchmans" pool area. Two Argentineans (Jorge & Daniella), a Welsh girl and a Jock (Jo & me); Cumbrian Craig, Shandy drinking Stuart and a slight girl from Little Marlow (Zan) sat expectantly. Everybody sat pensively around the table, surreptitiously gauging the rest. We all soon sussed that Zan had infeasibly large testicles; and Craig was an animal. Jocky, and Khayan (mad instructors) started off the intro's. A school teacher, biomechanicist, air steward (a BIG one), secretary, physio, ex-fighter pilot (told you Zan had bottle) and a mountain instructor sat and listened. We were almost in awe at the info that was being blasted at us. Each of us endured a week of lectures that would have made my biomechanics degree look easy.
Lecture 1 "What happens when it all goes wrong?" That one was a bit of an eye opener. Did we all look nervous, or was it just me? My shorts rapidly took on the appearance of those containing a strategically placed potato. Unfortunately this wouldn't have helped me whilst chatting up ladies on the beach: The "potato" was in the back of my shorts, not the front!
Another point to lecture 1 was to put paid to comments some people make about S.I.V. courses. These people are usually those that haven't done one, or don't aspire to it. That's a matter of opinion of course, based on my own limited experience. "You're causing the instability, so it can't be of any real use during normal flying when things happens for real. And it wrecks your wing!" There the main ones aren't they?
Answer 1.
Sure, it may simulated, but if you seem to be pre-empting any violent reactions, and losing educative quality, he tells you. Carrying out the manoeuvres as instructed, with full confidence in your kit allows you to gain maximum information about your wing's character, including its dark side. This is something I personally don't think you can learn on a ridge or XC flight.
Answer 2.
Simulated, yes, but you get to learn exactly what these envelope extending manoeuvres feel like, and what they can do. Take the Flat Spin for example. This is a very strange position to be in for the first time, even under instruction. But you certainly don't forget how it feels after sampling its wrath a few times, simulated or not. If you can't recognise this departure from normal flight you are much less likely to use the initiation of a flat spin to your advantage. We were told (not shown) how to use the tendency of a glider to dive after around 90 degrees to help you enter a banging thermal that won't let you in. At the end of the week I tried this over the summit of Baba Dag. Me and my Spear were harassed at being bashed about in an apparent no mans land of shitty air next to a thermal. I couldn't tell if I was goin' up or down- It was 'orrible. So I buried the left brake to below my seat and watched the wing stall, letting up after 90degrees. The wing dived and I was in. When the wing was still low and after slowing the induced dive I braked left and got a superb conversion of speed into a tight turn which saw me in a 10m/s thermal. You're learning about the 3D control of a aircraft that basically has only direct control over 2 axes. I'm not very good at thermalling and got spat out about 2000ft later. Pass the potato, I've just recognised some more unsimulated instability exercises! Good job I've just done them all this week. No problem. Well almost none!
Answer 3.
You might think that that it will accelerate the ageing of your wing, but you didn't buy it to cosset and kiss. It's a tool. And the things are tested to 10g or similar. For my money, you probably do more accumulative damage by leaving the sail in the sun when you're on the hillside. Don't say you don't do it! I had Sam (The Spear) fully inspected after S.I.V.'ing it and there was no evidence of any damage whatsoever. 'Course who knows what goes on at the microscopic level? After each flight came a debrief, then a new briefing for another flight. With flying experience from 4 to 98 hours we began to flail helplessly about the sky, apparently totally out of control. Or were we?
Even WHEN things did get a bit pear shaped we were on radio control, being told what to do from the safety boat. Jocky's friendly, no-nonsense approach meant that you did what you were told instantly, effectively enhancing your safety. It also allowed extra time to practice the bastion of paragliding expression, wingovers, at the end of each flight. If you think you can already do good'uns wait 'til you get a week of practising them under instruction. Briefings before and after Bedlam helped consolidate information gathered on our wings characteristics. Unfortunately for me, these brief periods of respite also highlighted my stomach bugs insistence that I visit the loo every 10 minutes to lose some weight. Bastards laughed.
Twice a day, every day, we tossed ourselves off (Baba Dag). We started with tucks, and finished with stalls and loads of "fun" in between. Of course, as the week progressed, the exercises got more and more technical, but everybody went at their own, unhurried pace. If we didn't feel ready, or Yoda thought us to be struggling, then the pace was moderated slightly per individual. After the normal S.I.V. course, a pot-pourri of exercises was planned, along with an optional opportunity to learn more exotic stuff. You want to do asymmetric (offset) 360's and perhaps progress to loops? OK. Croissants? No problem. Stalling the glider out of an intentional sustained spin with twisted lines was interesting. At this point I should point out that we were a sensible group of individuals. We all wanted to be fresh for the next days flying, so the social was dampened slightly. There was, of course, one beer monster who came in at 5am, got up at 7am, flew his bits off, and then went out all night again. I won't tell anybody CRAIG, honest, but did you make base with that bar girl?
After we finished the S.I.V. flights and had developed an increased "feel" and confidence in our wings foibles we went on our X-country bit. The sympathetic nervous system got a well earned rest and the posterior branch of my Pudendal nerve stopped firing. (Look it up). The learning curve steepened, again. Whilst flying we were watched by Jocky from above/front on his tandem, and from the back by Khayan. Following like frantic ducklings we listened to the almost endless information piling into our heads via the radio. How does he do it? Within 2 seconds of being in a thermal he'll say what shape it is, how many cores it's got, and the best way to use it. We all went up (almost all) gaining knowledge via the radio, experimentation and collapses. On to collapses and S.I.V. validation, again. I watched Zan (Sigma 4) have an 80% asymmetric just above ridge height in leeside thermals. Majorly Violent Reaction.
My theory is that if she hadn't just done her S.I.V. stuff she'd have piled in very quickly and broken her sandwich box. Instead, she recognised the scenario immediately, corrected and continued without even looking up. Cool. On the last day we flew down Butterfly Valley, swam in the secluded cove, chilled out and got a lift home on a boat. Simply idyllic. One last point, often overlooked: Don't do S.I.V. if your unsure about it, "Fly for yourself, nobody else." I was well up for it, but just remember my shorts and the potato? It stayed there until XC time. One guy gave up half way through and vowed never to fly again! The following will help make sure you are on the right course:-
1. You WILL Learn more in one lecture than in most of your previous flying career.
2. You WILL get the Thrupenny bits and Delhi belly. Try not to tense up during the manoeuvres since your logbook may not be the only thing getting filled!!
3. You WON'T meet a friendlier race, and the guys from Sky Sports that pack your canopy for 80p probably speak better English than you. They are always happy to spend time conversing.
4. The hour drive up the hill will make you want to barf. Then the Delhi kicks in again and nerves about the flight follow.
5. Everybody is a bit slower at getting their kit ready on full stall day.
6. Beg, borrow, or finance a video camera. Put it down as an educational expense.
7. Don't land in a tree, 3 did, but God knows how. And DON'T break any branches 'cause the forestry wardens carry sidearms, and they'll chuck you in the clink, for it.
8. The free flying from Baba Dag down to the beach is a superb confidence builder for young'uns- and it takes 30min.
9. Your bundies get a REAL beating for whatever reason.
Confidence comes from the staff too. Just ask my Doris. After one day of lying on the beach she got bored and free flew under the watchful all-seeing eye of the master. For myself, I'm still kinda crappy at XC flying, but that takes time, dunnit? However, I now fully understand how much my wing WANTS to fly, and not turn into a bag of soiled smalls. I quote, " It's the best holiday we've ever had, but Jocky ruined my suntan... When can we go again?" Doris didn't even want to go in the first place! We're back home now.
Waiting...
And I've gone off potatoes.